What if you've always been dope? A Seven Threads™ Reflection on Recognition, Visibility, and the Stories We Carry.

WHAT IF?

A Seven Threads™ Reflection on Recognition, Visibility, and the Stories We Carry

By Lisa Maxine

There is something interesting about the word "if". Two letters can hold an extraordinary amount of a person's life.

“If I had made a different choice. If I had taken that opportunity. If they had appreciated me. If someone had recognized what I contributed. If things had happened differently.”

We tend to point “if” backward, toward decisions already made, relationships already lived, opportunities missed or taken, people who loved us well and people who did not, and places where we were celebrated and places where we felt almost invisible.

There is nothing wrong with looking backward. Sometimes "if" helps us understand. The problem comes when we begin using what someone else did, did not do, saw, or failed to see as evidence of our own value.

The Problem With Being Unseen

In Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison opens with a declaration that has stayed with readers for generations. His narrator describes himself as a person of substance, possessing both a physical presence and a mind, and then explains his invisibility:

“I am invisible, simply because people refuse to see me.”

That distinction matters. He does not say, “I am invisible because there is nothing here worth seeing.” His invisibility exists in the perception of other people.

What if you've been measuring yourself through the eyes of people who never had the vision to see you clearly?

Being overlooked and being insignificant are not the same thing. Being unappreciated and being without value are not the same thing. Being misunderstood and being wrong about who you are are not the same thing.

Sometimes another person's inability to recognize what stands before them tells us something about their vision, not our worth. But if we aren't careful, their vision can become ours.

The Seven Threads of “If”

Through the Seven Threads Framework™, “if” becomes particularly interesting because the question can travel through an entire life.

Experiences asks us to begin with what actually happened. What did you do? Where did you go? What did you accomplish? What did you survive? What opportunities did you take? Which ones passed you by?

Then comes Memory. Which of those experiences stayed with you? What do you remember about being celebrated? What do you remember about being overlooked? And which memories have become part of the story you continue telling about yourself?

Identity takes us somewhere deeper. Eventually, the question is no longer simply, “What happened to me?” It becomes, “What did I come to believe about myself because of what happened?” And perhaps: Whose eyes have I been using to see myself?

Then there are Relationships. Whose recognition mattered? Whose absence mattered? Who saw you clearly? Who couldn't? Who told you who you were? And whose opinion somehow became more authoritative than your own?

Systems asks us to widen the lens again. Families, workplaces, schools, cultures, communities, institutions, and historical circumstances all influence who gets recognized, whose contributions are valued, what achievement looks like, and even what we learn to call success. Not every room has the same ability to recognize what enters it. And not every room gets to define you.

Then comes Consciousness. This is where “if” can begin to change, because consciousness allows us to notice not only what happened but also what we have made it mean.

Maybe they really did fail to appreciate you. Maybe someone should have acknowledged what you contributed. Maybe you deserved the opportunity. Maybe the people you loved should have seen you more clearly. Seven Threads™ does not require you to pretend otherwise.

What if their inability to see me was never proof that there was less of me to see?

Now "if" is doing different work.

What If “If” Isn't Only About Regret?

This may be where Future changes the direction of the question entirely. What if if doesn't have to point backward? What if it can point toward possibility?

What if some of my most important decisions haven't been made yet? What if the thing I thought disqualified me actually taught me something I needed to know? What if I stop waiting for people who couldn't see me to finally understand what they were looking at? What if I appreciate the life I've already lived while remaining curious about the life I haven't lived yet?

What if I've always been dope?

Yes. Dope. Not perfect. Not universally understood. Not appreciated by everyone. Not someone who made every decision correctly or received every opportunity they deserved. Just a person who may have spent entirely too much time allowing other people's vision to determine what was visible in the mirror.

Because perhaps the most important question isn't, “What if they had appreciated me?” Perhaps it is, “What if I finally learned to fully appreciate myself?”

Not because recognition from others doesn't matter. It does. But another person's inability or unwillingness to give it should never be allowed to erase the evidence of a life actually lived.

The experiences matter. The memories matter. The relationships matter. The systems matter. Even the regrets matter. They help us understand how we arrived here. But they do not receive sole authorship.

The past gives us context. It does not get authorship of the future.

Maybe "if" has been pointing backward long enough. Maybe the question was never meant to live exclusively in the past.

What if we turned it around?

And while we're at it: What if you've always been dope?

Well... what if you have?

Lisa Maxine

Seven Threads Collective, LLC™Understanding the Whole Person™Discover the Threads That Shaped You.™